This will be the fifth NKOTB cruise. The first year they announced it, I was SO UPSET that I had to miss it. I felt the same for the next three cruises as well. When it was announced that this cruise, the fifth, would be on a ship that I’ve been on, I really felt that it was a sign that I should go. Now, I’m not so sure.
I feel selfish. There a LOT of money going into this trip! I mean, A LOT OF MONEY!!! When all is said and done, we will have put the equivalent of three months worth of house payments into one five day trip.
I’m going alone. I was going to group this into my “selfish” bit, but it really needs to be separate. I never go anywhere without my kids. …well, I rarely go anywhere without them. Thursday nights I go to choir, and one other day every week or two I get to go to another choir practice. There were times I was away for a while with the wedding I was in back in December. Last July, my husband and I got away for an overnight. Before that was the cruise with my dad in 08. I was also reminded the other day that I went out for American Idol back in 2004. That was two days in DC. (One of the pictures I took was published in a Random House book about reality TV! lol) I know it seems like a lot, but it really isn’t. I go to Boston all the time, and I ALWAYS take the kids. Actually, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be allowed over the state line without them! HA! With the money for this trip, we could take a week-long vacation as a FAMILY, just the five of us. This is something that we’ve never done and now, because of this cruise, I don’t think we’re going to be able to for a while yet.
I’m too old for this. No, I’m not saying that I’m old. What I’m saying is that I’m too old for this party cruise. It’s party after party after party. Drinking and dancing and screaming and dancing and drinking. No sleep. It’s ten after ten right now and I am SO DONE with the day! I’m not really into loud music, as it creates this massive ringing in my ears and then I can’t hear anything. I have NEVER been into the dance club scene. Maybe it’s because my town sucks, but I much preferred the karaoke bar to the loud, sweaty, meat-market in town.
I’m not a groupie. MOST of the people on this boat will be decent human beings, but I know that there will be some just looking for a piece of the guys. They will flaunt their wares to anyone who could possibly get them closer, and I do NOT tolerate that sort of self-disrespect. I’m also usually very vocal in my displeasure and do NOT want to end up in a fight because of some hoochie who’s just looking for her brush with fame. Along the same vein, I have no filter and if I see someone doing something stupid, I’ll say something. It might be under my breath, but something will be said.
I want more from my vacation than standing around or suffering a migraine. I’ve been watching a LOT of video’s on youtube and they’re all the same: Girls wait for NKOTB to show up. Girls stand around while NKOTB does their thing. Girls scream like banshees because NKOTB are there. On the beaches, there’s still more standing around, be it for games, for music, for waiting… Then the guys show and there’s more screaming. Pushing. Shoving. Petty, catty, middle school shit. I know that I could avoid all of that. I know that I could take this trip, see what I want to see, go to the shows I want to go to, and sleep when I feel tired. What’s the point of that? This is a New Kids on the Block cruise! It isn’t a normal cruise! There won’t be normal passengers. There will be above average alcohol consumption. Did I mention that I stopped going to the bar YEARS ago because I severely dislike being around large quantities of drunk people?
It almost doesn’t seem worth it. The more I think about it, the less I want to go. I don’t know if it is nerves, attitudes, reality… I don’t know! It could be that seasonal depression that I’ve mostly avoided this winter. I just don’t know. If I had to choose right now, and I knew that I would get all the money back that I’ve put in thus far, I’d cancel, no questions asked. Right now, I feel really bad about this trip and really selfish for even wanting to go. I love the women I’ve met because of this cruise, and if I never met them face to face, I would still love them because they’re amazing women.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know where my spirits will be this weekend, next week, next month. I’m having serious second thoughts over something I thought I’ve wanted to do since cruise one was announced. I’m confused as all hell, but tomorrow is another day. Another day closer. One hundred days until I leave…if I leave…
Karaokevixen's Cruising!!! 
You my friend are not alone. I actually sat down and cried last weekend because I felt so much guilt. For me its money but also my husband is recovering from a horrific medical treatment that I feel like I have no right to leave him with NAy and run off for me time. I NEVER leave Nay. I went to LA for 1 night and spent the evening on the phone with my boys. Aside from that, he comes to work with me, I sleep in the same bed as him…we are together 24/7. I feel horrible leaving him. So Ren told me to take a step back. MY husband, my cheapo…he asked me to look at my life and all I do for my family, to look at myself from an outsiders eyes. What would my opinion of this trip and situation be…if it was say a neighbor or friend. I deserve this, I NEED this. Ren does too and he will get his turn soon. Truth be told, I still felt like I didnt really want to go. I have more reasons than what i deserve or need that keep me here. I have parents dieing to see Nayden and I could take him there. I have anxiety about leaving him. Real, true strong anxiety about being so far from him. But I did pay a big chunk, I think it will be a blast, I have been promised over and over that the hype keeps you awake…so I’m gonna go. I want you there…so bad, but my friend if you choose otherwise, we are friends and it wont make a bit of difference. One less experience together thats all. Do what you need to do. I just hope, I get that hug in the port 🙂
I’ll be there, but I’m just not feeling it right now. My moods change with the weather, though, so I’m sure by then I’ll be so excited that I can’t contain myself. lol
I think most of us with families and husbands have our moments of doubt. I know I do. Like you, each year I wasn’t able to be on the cruise I promised myself I’d be on the next one. Finally I was lucky enough to be able to afford it this year and find a wonderful roommate. Then the tour announcement. I haven’t been to any concerts except for MixTape last year. I never saw them when I was younger. Am I going overboard with the cruise and two concerts this year? I certainly think so, and I feel so guilty that I’m not spending the money on a family vacation. But I keep saying to myself, when will I ever feel ok about spending this much $ on me? Never. After this experience it may be years before I even see them in concert. I am so thankful for all the wonderful women I’ve met who will be sharing this I’ve kjb a lifetime experience with me. I hope I get to meet everyone in person. I know we’ll have a blast. Once it’s over, I’ll go back to being a Mom, a wife, and worry about everyday things, but I’ll always have the memories of the cruise to escape to.
I never saw them when I was younger, either. Well, at least not after they made a name for themselves. 😛 I went to the reunion tour and Full Service, but the former was a gift and the latter I won tickets to. As you can tell, I, too, am having problems justifying all this money on myself. I also know that, like you, I’ll never be able to justify it. We’re going to do it, though. We’re going to have a blast, and we will have the memories. Hell, maybe it will help make those long, sleepless, and thankless days and nights seem easier for a while. See you in May!!!
That’s it Jen, we resent some of those thankless days. The demands on us, the lack of awareness from our families that our life is hard too, that just cause we are “Mommy” doesn’t mean we are not still Jen, Jenn and Vanessa. This IS the gratitude we ask for. This is our family saying “sorry bout all the times I took you for granted, sorry about disturbing your rare morning of sleep, sorry for assuming you’d to such and such”…this is our reward. My husband said “You bitch and moan that I expect everything of you and don’t give enough back, so here…go…we’ll go away next year or the year after…its your turn…it’s your dream!” How do you say no to that. IF we didn’t go, we’d have to shut our mouths about it all and admit we are not rewarded because we do not allow ourselves to be rewarded. We will have a wonderful time. Vanessa made a great point, we need to enjoy this, it may be our escape for yrs to come 🙂